Actually, TERRIFIED is more like it. What do you do when you find yourself face to face with fear? I know what your thinking. "Where's your faith brother?" Well, that's the exact question I'm hoping you'll help me answer. How do you find you're faith when confronted with the possibility that deep within you lurks a sniveling coward who's greatest wish is to remain hidden within the dark recesses of your seldom visited past?
I think I know how Moses must have felt when God told him to return to Egypt. Here Moses is, standing in the very presence of God, witnessing what can only be described as a miracle - "
The Burning Bush", and still finds room for doubt. "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Moses asks. At this point, you'd think it wouldn't matter what you thought of yourself. God says "Go", so go. What more do you need?
I ask myself that question. "What more do I need?" But, unlike Moses, I haven't had that "burning bush" experience. Or have I? You see, in the dark recesses of my being, where the "sniveling coward" waits, there appears to be something invading his space. It is just a tiny pin-prick of brilliant white light. There! Hovering in the darkness... I'll cover it with my thumb... That doesn't help... It seems to know my very thoughts, anticipates my every action... This way, that way, it moves just enough to evade my fumbling... Is it growing? No, that can't be. STOP, NO, they'll see me. They can't see me. What will they think. They'll know me for who and what I really am. But what does it matter? He sees me, He knows me, but in spite of it all, has chosen me anyway. Should I surrender? Give in to the intruder? I can't, but I must. It's death, but it's life.
Jesus said
"I have come as light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me should not remain in the darkness." (Joh 12:46)
So, what is it that I'm afraid of? Terrified of?
Moving. That's it. Moving. My wife and I feel that God is leading us to
Asbury Theological Seminary in
Wilmore, Kentucky. That would mean leaving our small Mississippi hometown and moving 481 miles away. I know it's not that far, but for me, it might as well be on the other side of the planet. Mississippi has been my home for thirty-three of my thirty-six years. I have a good job that pays well, a nice home, and family nearby. I'm comfortable, I'm content, what could God possibly want with me?
God almighty, what in the world are You thinking? I can't do this. You're asking me to leave the only home I've ever known, drag my children away from their family and friends, and ask my wife to do the same. I thought I had given You everthing you wanted. Who knew You'd ask for my life as well? But that's exactly what you're asking for isn't it?
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen. I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Rom 11:36,12:1)
Please pray for us.
