God's Call

"So, tell me about your relationship with your father." Uh oh, he had to go there didn't he. Friday, as part of the "candidacy process", I had a meeting with the Conference psychologist. He asked some very tough questions that, along with reading Deitrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipliship, has really got me thinking about God's call and what it means to answer.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!" (Isa 6:8)

I wish that I could say that my response to God’s call had always been “Here am I. Send me.” Unfortunately, it has often been just the opposite. For as long as I can remember, God’s call has been present. And though it has taken thirty-five years for me to answer, I now look back on my life and see how God’s guiding hand has brought me to this place, where I can say without reservation, just as Isaiah did, “Here am I. Send Me!”

My family first saw the evidence of God’s call when I was a small child, much of which I can’t even remember. A great deal of my time was spent with my grandparents, and while they rarely attended church, they never missed an opportunity to watch Brother Adrian Rogers’ Sunday morning service on television. As soon as he was finished I would set up a TV tray and “preach” to anyone who would listen. My uncle told my mother recently “I thought for sure that boy would end up a preacher the way he used to carry on come Sunday morning.” Like most children, I dreamed of being an astronaut, policeman, doctor, or cowboy, but preacher was always mixed in there somewhere.

My adolescent years saw, what I considered to be a great upheaval. In the winter of ‘81 when I was eleven, my mother and stepfather moved us from Memphis, Tennessee to Batesville, Mississippi where we began attending a fundamental holiness church. While that by itself may not be bad, for an eleven-year-old boy that could barely remember the last time he was in a church, three-hour worship services, four days a week can be something of a shock. This began a struggle with my parents that lasted through my teen years where I tried to balance pleasing my family and determining for myself what it meant to please God.

As a young adult, on my own, I continued to seek God and struggle with what it meant to please Him. This eventually led my wife and I through the doors of Courtland United Methodist Church, where the love we felt assured us that this was home.

Most of my life has been like so many others. My wife and I have been married fifteen years. We have two wonderful children, who remind us everyday who God is. The journey hasn’t always been easy and at times I didn’t even recognize it as a journey at all. There have been times in my life when I was sure that in the face of my persistent refusal, God had given up and would let me live my life the way I wanted to. But thank God, that in spite of my protests, He has been ever faithful.

Just when I thought that I had reached a place in life where I could be comfortable, a wonderful family, a good career, God’s call echoes within my heart, just a little louder. “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” There is only one answer that fills my mind, “Here am I, send me!”

While I may not yet fully understand where that answer will lead me, it is my intention to be considered a candidate for ordained ministry and to fulfill the requirements necessary for ordination as an elder in the United Methodist Church. Above all, my goal is to serve God wherever His call may lead.